I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's always time for handjobs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
