Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
