Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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