Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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