32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
