So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
