I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
