thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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