I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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