I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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