you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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