i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
