I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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