so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
