The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think my moral compass just broke
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize