I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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