Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
