we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
