Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
