margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
