Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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