He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
