It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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