accomplished twins. life is a go
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
