i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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