I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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