Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
