Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
