wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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