I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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