Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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