I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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