guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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