Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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