I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
