My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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