Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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