YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
