So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
