Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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