i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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