So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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