why didn't you poke me back
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
