Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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