3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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