o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
