I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
