I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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