Where is the hickey?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
