He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
