My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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