Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Randomize
