i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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