paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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