I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
